besieged

haven’t been in the mood to write until i tackle and clear an outstanding matter at work off my desk. bottom line, all i want is to putter in silence and just hold on a couple more days.

more doughnuts, please

ring doughnuts. stuffed doughnuts. vanilla glazed or the old-fashioned, sugar coated doughnuts. chocolate or cream filling. long or twisted. i just love doughnuts. eating doughnuts calms me down. its my comfort food. i eat doughnuts when my mood swings to extremes. when i’m too excited. or when i’m beset by stress. i crave when i’m feeling unappreciated and underpaid.

i’ve been eating doughnuts lately. yes, i’ve been stress eating. and it's got my karma eating, too

instant comfort

i woke up this morning feeling iffy. niggling worries from yesterday persist. but by midmorning, i felt better when my karma texted, "hey, are you feeling better about work today?"

15 things

got the idea from a friend's multiply site. 15 things you want to tell 15 people but cant tell them to their faces

1.       your love has carried me through life. i promise to carry you along when you get old.

2.       apart from the financial support, you have given yourself far more than you can. i could not ask for more.

3.       i’m so proud of you. you’ve got raw talent, you know.

4.       thank you for your generosity.

5.       how come when people intrepidly argue their point, your skeptical and nasty nature surface?

6.       you probably have no clue how intimidating you are. enough with bossing people around. lose the attitude, ok?

7.      you're as hot as hell. keep in good shape.

8.       loosen up. chill out, will you?

9.       i think you’re too loud. with you, there’d never be peace and quiet in the workplace

10.     i think you’re such a freak with gossip.

11.     you’re the best friend imaginable – loyal, supportive and honest

12.     don't throw negative vibes at me.

13.     have you ever heard about “composition” in photography? turn around. change the angle. change the perspective

14.     you can never pull back and undo thoughtless hurts. you can never charm me back.

15.     you’re capable. you’re efficient. but sometimes you have trouble concentrating.

12 instant comforts

1. the smell of toast in the morning

2. sinking back into my pillows when i wake up on saturday mornings

3. sunset after a long hike

4. flipping through old photo albums

5. a phone chat with mom or dad or sister

6.  ticking things off my to-do list

7. watching my karma take photos

8. an unexpected embrace from behind

9. christmas carols

10. an out of the blue :-* text 

11. a napping cocker spaniel

12. sylvanas and cold mountain coffee

breaking a pattern

romantically, i choose to move on an easy, carefree tempo because i subscribe to the whole “choose your love wisely”  way of thinking. the last thing i want is to feel rushed and to get things serious fast. i also used to think that being preoccupied over one person would screw up my chance for becoming a more interesting person.

so there, i was happy to be going out but i was careful not to let love dip. my peers could not get it so they relentlessly tried to curb my semi-attached convictions. still, the greater the pressure they put on me, the longer i temporized within the confines of my self-protective barriers.

until one evening, they found me a good-looking, creative and snobbish guy who cunningly played it cool. heedlessly, i was smitten. how shrewd

soon after my karma and i settled on becoming exclusive, i voluntarily boot myself out of the dating game but of course i have to put up with some friendly-stalker messages from ex-flings. actually, there’s this darn, boring fling who sort of tried to lodge some niggling doubt in my mind after finding out that i was already hooked-up. he annoyed me so badly that i had to dismiss him ruthlessly *sigh*

of course being happily solo is a cool idea. i have dated untiringly and had loads of fun doing it. but now that i can already picture myself  waking up next to the man who greets me “ i love you” as his eyes flutter open each morning of our lives, i guess i can already rest easy in the hope that the search is over

lie low

some people say i’m stubborn, i’d call it willful. some think i’m dominant, i’d say it's  assertive. my karma says i’m brimming with pride, err.. i’d say uh, YES (actually, self-esteem is more like it, but anyway…)

okay, i admit i find myself solidly in the “high dominance” camp. good thing, my karma is even more dominant to diffuse my intensity. well, had he not been able to overpower my alpha tendencies, i would have found him unexciting.
 
then again, i wish i had about a zillion sides to my personality that’s ever changing depending on the situation. at work, i wish i were one sovereign force to be reckoned with. with my best friends and family, i wish i were an ultimate cry-on-my-shoulder rock. and with my karma, i wish i were a bit docile. a docile dominatrix

good eats

we were in our usual adventurous mood to hunt for new good eats last sunday. we skipped makati where we usually hang around in and headed over to podium instead. we decided we wanted japanese. the pick and choose process for a place to eat dinner took a bit of a heedful thought for there was quite a lot of japanese restaurants to choose from. after a while, we walked in to yaku. of course, we ordered our all-time favorites — sashimi, chicken teriyaki, yakitori, maki rolls and we were pleased! we will definitely come around again as they have a variety of appetizing choices on their menu to sway back customers for another go, unlike sumo-sam, that we've sworn off. we had dinner at sumo-sam in shangri-la once and we were disappointed. the food didn't taste as good as they looked in the menu. also, sumo-sam can be too crowded that it can almost give a food court feel. it was april fool's day when we went there that’s why we now have a good laugh thinking that the whole sumo-sam experience was a big practical joke   

in high spirits

i presented my thoughts to solve a certain business challenge then my department head replied to me, cc all department heads:

                  Excellent ideas. I will include your team in this project.

well, a little affirmation does give a welcome jolt to once work routine which can be a frustrating cycle at times.

couples weekend

last week i was like feeling odd for not having an agenda for the weekend. i don't know, i guess i can really never put up with boredom for more than moment. but of course i was appeased after my karma told me that i should see it as a chance to be in touch with our introspective side after enjoying enough of a busy social circle during our recent trips. funny thing, as i was conditioning myself to spend the weekend just lounging around the house, there were suddenly spontaneous invitations from friends. im glad our relationship encompasses many friends in several groupings

so we went on a triple movie date last friday then we meandered around serendra with another couple last sunday. we had lunch at a newly opened french restaurant, called cuillere brasserie. geez, we will definitely come back for the green salad with fresh fruits, candied walnut and raspberry vinaigrette. then for dessert, we had sonjas cupcakes! yummy!

now i love periods of time with no plans

cold coffee and post-it

having realized lately that chilled mountain coffee leaves a more calming effect on me, i always refrigerate a cup before rushing off to work in the morning so i can have cold coffee to delight in when i get home. 

the other night, i came home really tired so a sip of chilled mountain coffee would have been an instant relief. too bad, i was not able to store a cup that morning. but to my surprise, my karma left this (see photo below) just for me. enough said  

unedited blog

when i was in school i never got a lousy grade in English class but i could not boast that my creative writing assignments kicked butt. even so, i pride myself on being able to think better with math and logic. and because my thinking is connected and logical, i assumed i could pull off modestly intelligent pieces of writing in which ideas flow seamlessly but i never tried my hand.

perhaps, i needed encouragement.  

now that i’m an editor-in-chief’s girl, my association with him awoke inside me some long dormant craving to be mentally alive and to pursue the flow of my imagination in writing. and so i took a crack at free writing on this blog. since my writer-beau is an excellent, sharp-eyed editor, i suppose he reads my entries not merely for content but also for mechanics. sadly, i’m becoming increasingly frustrated at not being able to craft a finished piece of writing without a glitch.

when i’m in the heat of writing, i am likely to make confusing shifts of person or verb tense as well as errors of sentence fragments and comma splices, etc.

hopefully, my errors of grammar, punctuation and transition are not too obvious to distract my readers.

then again, i’m upset and uninspired.

Sex and the City: The Four Women, the Four Elements

haha! i’m more of carrie

 
You scored 50% Carrie

Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude quirky charm. You'd be utterly bored by someone who's just a pretty face or hot body — though you don't mind looking and flirting! You're more turned on by an equally smart and funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk, so you need a good listener who's open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.

You scored 20% Miranda

You chose many of the same answers that Earth Sign-like Miranda, the cynical but pragmatic lawyer, might have chosen. Just like Miranda's had a tough time deciding whether to give in to the affections of Steve the Bartender, you don't give your heart up to just anyone. Miranda shies away from a relationship with Steve because he's 'just' a bartender, not something more conventionally ambitious or stable. Those with powerful Earth Sign qualities — characteristics associated with Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn — are cautious in love and seek stability and status over nearly anything else. Earth Signs provide a steady, realistic attitude and they can bring order out of chaos. A little-known Earth Sign fact: Incredibly sensual, you seethe beneath that smart, expensive business suit of yours, yearning for intimacy but hesitant to give up your material needs, your career ambitions or your responsibilities for a passionate moment that might not turn out the way you'd hope.

You scored 20% Samantha

You identify with Samantha's bold and liberated Fire Sign qualities, characteristics associated with the Signs of Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. You're strong, audacious and larger than life — and you take what you want! Sometimes you can even be thoughtless and selfish, as you get so caught up in craving immediate gratification and excitement that you overlook someone's feelings. Your personal style likely reflects your desires: sleek, low-cut, revealing just a bit more than might be considered acceptable. Watch that you're not coming on too strong, though. You could scare potential suitors off with all your drama. If you seek so much attention, the more basic qualities of the Fire Signs could be burned right out of the picture. Show less skin or cleavage and more of your creativity, your vibrant leadership skills and courageous generosity!

You scored 10% Charlotte

A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen. Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naïve Water Signs — Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces — you're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one. Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people, beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love. You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You're super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies. You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you're not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.

http://quiz.ivillage.com/astrology/tests/sexandthecity.htm

your change can change lives

i checked out a pretty blouse at the mall last friday. it's a bit dressy, feminine and somewhat different from my usual unfussy get-up but it’s really gorgeous. then again, when i’m seized by such a spending compulsion, the restraining money-minded critic inside me rejects the craving at once.

without question, i’m no spendthrift but i’m careful not to cross the line of frugality into stinginess. i keep my money for the right reasons. i want to be self-sufficient, independent and generous. it sounds goody-goody but i do feel guilty having to say no to the needy. in fact, i actually think that God, knowing exactly how much i’m making every month, counts on my share every time alms are collected during Offertory.

i was moved upon seeing this donation box last night at mccafe.  it’s a fund drive for the benefit of poor kids. the idea is to get customers to drop into the habit of donating at least a fraction of the change returned to them. essentially, the idea is almsgiving, an anonymous act of charity. while almsgiving is not the ultimate solution to poverty, it portends  hope for the poor. it’s a promise that the money-minded are not totally socially clueless and indifferent.

i really hope so.

money discipline

i got my a karma a debit card so i can get him to buy me stuff without the guilt! with this card, i can already do quick over-the-air fund transfer anytime so he doesn’t have to shell out cash.
 
apart from mobile commerce being the “in” thing these days, we prefer a debit card to a credit card. okay, we do subscribe to the cashless conveniences of  credit cards but we rarely carry a credit card balance. we either disburse cash or we use a debit card except for purchases online or abroad. and because we are so careful not to run up long standing bills, we pay off any sum unpaid in full before it incurs interest.

well, we choose to hold back and watch our money carefully and we have sworn off owing money. we will only borrow money to purchase assets that will give us financial returns. as it is, purchases through credit cards decline in value over time so we opt to adopt a prudent attitude on the use of credit cards.
 
hmmnn, while it is true that we work for the money to treat ourselves to world comforts, we don't slave away at work only to break loose our hard-earned money on shopping and high-interest credit bills

i doubt

i was in corregidor along with my team for an overnight package tour last weekend. i normally avoid guided tours  because i prefer to be spontaneous and have a great time discovering the must-see sights, but as it turned out, an island guided tour was the best option. the highlight of the tour was the spine-chilling trek around the malinta tunnel where thousands of filipinos, americans and japanese died

i guess i have so ingested the war stories relayed by the guides that my spirit somewhat rebels at the outbreak of cowardice in our time. the filipino today defies the ferocity and love for country that reverberates in corregidor. i wonder, what if (god forbid) a huge war explodes today? i doubt if some valiant leaders of the nation would stay put rather than take off to another country. i doubt if the government such as those in the executive, legislative and judiciary branches, would put off their corrupt activities to demonstrate honor and nobility, for once.  i doubt if business leaders would use their enterprise for public service. i doubt if parents would seek out the children that they have abandoned. i doubt if kids would break off from endless online gaming and i doubt if young adults would pause from non-stop merriment to mind our troubled country.  how miserable
 

travel companion

i picked up this notebook for its cool cover. its sooo me. the mobile me :-) plus, it typifies my everyday outfit ensemble – minimalist and comfortable.

i intend to fill this notebook with my travel keepsakes, such as the names of people i meet along the way. i will add annotation to each of the names to remember a few details of my meaningful encounter with these people. i will dutifully take note of certain cozy spots that we possibly will discover and visit again on our future trips. this notebook will recount the interesting revelations and exchange of ideas i have with my travel companions. will write down bits of travel ideas, too!

well, i will try to develop an impulse to write to emulate my editor-in-chief beau. he writes at unexpected places, at unexpected times. I never ask what he’s keeping a log of. i just assume that deep thoughts and ideas dwell in his notebooks that’s why i opt not to intrude

brew-haha!

i never walked past a Starbucks without sneaking a quick look at what seems like a house of worship for coffee. then i wonder what draws those people in. and i ask how coffee places have become such a craze these days. it could be the caffeine jolt. the aromatic bliss. the social connection. or the sense of refuge in a private corner.
 
to me, it’s a thinking place. by myself, my thoughts keep me company. in the company of my karma, we have  exchange of ideas to sip on. well, it seems that coffee places have somewhat become a person’s “third place” after the home and the workplace. good thing! after all, the coffee place experience is a wholesome fun

the condo also gives us such coffeehouse experience. coffee addict that he is, my karma bought me a coffee maker so we can make our own gourmet coffee at home. and mind you, we never run out of ground mountain coffee  shipped fresh from baguio! imagine the aroma of the coffee enveloping the entire room. truly, the condo is our special sanctuary that beholds the sounds of our hot-headed exchange of opinions that culminate in silly laughs *brew-haha*

by the way, as i write, he is sitting next to me. i can hear him quietly chuckling over david alan harvey's admiring comment on his work. the renowned national geographic photographer says he's got good style. again, brew-haha!

alchemy of a kiss

i was mistaken in thinking that baguio has quieted down with the rainy season already coming on. on the whole, our long weekend was rather taxing than chilly. plus, i was feeling glum and nauseated the entire time because of runny nose. i was forever sneezing and blowing my nose as we dawdled through crowds.

the girly good thing was — my karma was constantly giving me “ants' kisses”,  i mean kisses on the forehead at every turn so as to calm me down. well, a kiss from him is enough to get me secrete a sedative, anesthetic dose of endorphins

i felt it coming

i’ve been fighting off a cold virus for a while. after a hard-hitting body massage last night, i started sneezing and coughing. the kneading pressure as well as the warm aromatic oil might have cleared the blockages in my passages causing my mucus to loosen and drift. what i really hate is this itch that i cannot scratch: sore throat! errr

i’ve warned my karma to brace himself as he needs to do a bit of tending later. hmn, he’s probably suspicious that his mademoiselle is just playing damsel in distress *snort*